I'm going to separate details of my life right now into different entries. . If this blog entry seems vague in parts, it's just so I don't write a novel in one entry. More to come!
In my last post I complained about going on a cruise, while all of the clothes I packed took another cruise. (the clothes told me they had a good time, even though they were locked in a closet on the other cruise :) I overreacted.. At the time I was angry. A better way to look at it: What's better than sitting around in my condo with a view of other condos? Being on a cruise with little to wear but having access to lots of fun and great views.
|Rest In Peace, Miss You Much!|
Also, in my last crazy entry, I also blogged about a kitten that I had just had adopted in Oct '11. After I came back from my luggage-less cruise between Christmas and New Years, his breathing was strange. I was hoping the vet would say there's a huge hairball or something, couldn't imagine anything fatal. The vet came back into the "patient" room, with the SADDEST face, she knew I had lost my Mom, and two cats, 18 and 19, in the prior year. She told me then he has a diagnosis of a rare feline disease called FIP I did get a second opinion that gave me hope at first, then the second vet also agreed on the diagnosis of FIP. "B" the kitten was special; an "old soul" - I used to say "he knows something we humans don't". Sadly, the living brother, my best buddy, sometimes still waits on the bottom of the stairs for "B" to come down. I went through the same thing the year before with my 18 and 19 year old cats (lost 3 cats in 1.5 years!)
Enough of that, -- heaviest on my mind now -- I don't know how to get past where I am at in my life. I've done the therapy thing and need to go back. Hard to find a good one. . From all I've been through this year, (details later) I recently "collapsed" from all of that, and now succumb to the low energy levels. And I've aged a few years. I've had a very tough year and one thing just piled on the other, I felt/feel so alone, my autoimmune disease has taken a back seat. I went from a frenzied year with little support, and very little sleep from the period of March through August - to a life filled with too much sleep, an irresponsible erratic schedule (none, basically) for a 49 year old, spending many days in my PJs, I procrastinate often (have done so lots since the start of my autoimmune disease). But there are some important things I absolutely need to get done!) ..... I've tried making a list, but then I'll make another the next day, lose track of them,a little OCD I suppose?
Anyone out there have any though provoking quotes or words of wisdom to help me think more positive?
I do have moments that I enjoy. But far more where I isolate and do not properly care for myself or at least get the motivation to do so.
I'll leave it at that for now.