Friday, October 26, 2012

Feeling lost and stuck, words of wisdom welcome!

Dear blog and bloggers -
 I'm going to separate details of my life right now into different entries.  . If this blog entry seems vague in parts, it's just so I don't write a novel in one entry. More to come!
  In my last post I complained about going on a cruise, while all of the clothes I packed took another cruise.  (the clothes told me they had a good time, even though they were locked in a closet on the other cruise :)    I overreacted..  At the time I was angry.   A better way to look at it: What's better than sitting around in my condo with a view of other condos?  Being on a cruise with little to wear but having access to lots of fun and great views. 

Rest In Peace, Miss You Much!

Also, in my last crazy entry, I also blogged  about a kitten that I had just had adopted in Oct '11.  After I came back from my luggage-less cruise between Christmas and New Years,  his breathing was strange. I was hoping the vet would say there's a huge hairball or something, couldn't imagine anything fatal.  The vet came back into the "patient" room, with the SADDEST face, she knew I had lost my Mom, and two cats, 18 and 19, in the prior year.  She told me then he has a diagnosis of  a rare feline disease called FIP     I did get a second opinion that gave me hope at first, then the second vet also agreed on the diagnosis of FIP.  "B" the kitten was special; an "old soul" - I used to say "he knows something we humans don't". Sadly, the living brother, my best buddy,  sometimes still waits on the bottom of the stairs for "B" to come down.  I went through the same thing the year before with my 18 and 19 year old cats (lost 3 cats in 1.5 years!)

Enough of that, -- heaviest on my mind now  -- I don't know how to get past where I am at in my life. I've done the therapy thing and need to go back. Hard to find a good one.  . From all I've been through this year, (details later) I recently "collapsed" from all of that,  and now succumb to the low energy levels. And I've aged a few years.  I've had a very tough year and one thing just piled on the other, I felt/feel so alone, my autoimmune disease has taken a back seat.  I went from a frenzied year with little support,  and very little sleep from the period of March through August -  to a life filled with too much sleep, an irresponsible erratic schedule (none, basically) for a 49 year old,  spending many days in my PJs, I procrastinate often (have done so lots since the start of my autoimmune disease). But there are some important things I absolutely need to get done!) ..... I've tried making a list, but then I'll make another the next day, lose track of them,a little OCD I suppose?
Anyone out there have any though provoking quotes or words of wisdom to help me think more positive?

I do have moments that I enjoy.  But far more where I isolate and do not properly care for myself or at least get the motivation to do so.

I'll leave it at that for now.

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